The Comparison Trap (and how to get out of it)
- Sandrine Wolfe
- Sep 20, 2023
- 4 min read
"Comparison is the thief of joy." - President Theodore Roosevelt
Scenario: You're a pretty good mover. You know how your body feels when you move, and you know what your goals are. You're crushing it in classes and your goals are getting reached and revised. You feel pretty good about your progress, and you go to a class. This class is challenging for you, and you see someone else in the class that seems flawless. They're bendier, stronger, more graceful, etc. You find out that they started their movement journey after you. How do you feel?
If you said that you felt like you were suddenly behind the curve, or frustrated with your progress, or even resentment towards the other person, you are most likely comparing yourself.
Everyone has experienced a similar feeling. Maybe it wasn't in class. Maybe it was as you were scrolling social media, or even walking down the street. We've been told that to be successful, we have to look, act, and perform a certain way by our surroundings. Ads, TV shows, Movies, and almost every piece of content we interact with tells us this, and we really internalize these ideals from when we are young kids.
I'm here to tell you that you're falling into a trap. You are good enough, no matter what.
Comparison Facts
Traditional movement practices use comparison as a baseline. Percentiles, something that a lot of personal trainers are told to use as a benchmark for fitness, are literally based on the performance of others. Dance technique is based on how people looked and performed in classical eras of dance. Gyms will frequently use competition as a way to motivate clients, using their performance compared to others' to promote "wellness". Another thing to notice about these techniques is that they're built around high performing, neuro-typical, athletes. While these techniques have been shown to improve short-term retention to programs and goals, the long-term is not as shiny.
Long-term effects of this habit can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, low emotional regulation, and depression. These can then lead into lower retention rates, higher rates of injury, and even cause people to stop their movement all together. This creates a toxic cycle of self-doubt.
How do I get out of the trap?
The challenging thing about comparison, is that it is almost a pillar of our culture. Try to go through your day noticing how many times you or someone else is compared to another person. Maybe you yourself are the one doing the comparing.
There are two main ways that I suggest my clients and students take time to focus on their own journey, and try to avoid the Comparison Trap: 1) Tracking Your Movement: You've probably heard this before. Keeping track of your movement practice can do a lot for you, including helping you be mindful of your own progress and journey.
It can be difficult to remember where we started when we're several years into our practice, and keeping track of it can help. This can look like taking videos, photos, or even notes about your movement, including form, quality of movement, emotions that came up, and/or how you felt before/after your practice. This helps you not only stay mindful about your progress no matter how large or small it is, but it also provides stats and information for you to look back on and acts as a reminder of how far you have come.
2) Taking a Break:
Social media is a place where so many talented athletes and dancers share their movement practice, and sometimes it can be inspiring, but social media is also most often the most polished photo or video of something, with some creators putting in hours of work into planning, editing, and posting their content. Social media is also filled with lots of "you should" type of content. For example; If you're a dancer, you might see a creator or an ad talking about how "you should" be doing a specific thing to achieve a certain goal. I see lots of content about flexibility, and how "you should" be doing x,y, and z to achieve your splits. Here's the thing about "you should": Movement is not one size fits all. A lot of people might benefit from a standard practice, but other people may find it inaccessible, or even get injured doing the exact same thing. "You should" is an automatic comparison to how other people might move. It's a comparison to things "you shouldn't" do. "You should" is another trap.
Taking breaks from social media can help you re-center into your body, your movement, and your goals. It'll help the focus stay away from polished and aesthetically pleasing skills, and instead bring it back to where it tends to be most helpful: Yourself.
The TLDR;
Comparing yourself to others is usually not very helpful. Ways you can try to find mindful ways to connect with your own movement practice and journey include tracking your movement practice through videos, photos, and/or notes, and unplugging from social media from time to time.
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Afterword
If you read the first post on this site, you might have read that this blog would be updated bi-weekly. You also may have noticed that didn't happen. As always, life happens, and things have gotten moved around. Moving forwards, this blog will be updated "as possible". If you would like to be notified of when new blog posts go up, or be notified about new in-person offerings, you can head back to the home screen on my site and hop on the newletter. If you have suggestions for future blog topics, you can head to my "Contact Me" page and submit a request through there.
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